Speak Easy, Speak Slow, Lets Go

Win Free Stuff Every Day

2008-11-14T09:06:00.001-06:00

Places you should totally check out:

2008-10-28T10:07:00.018-06:00

Girly Aprons Blog

http://middleagedfangirl.com/

http://www.kateedydconfetti.com/2008/10/yay-its-giveaway.html

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3138/2969748925_7b95f3963e_o.jpg">

href="http://www.dewgin.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">

http://wordsfromwhitney.blogspot.com/2008/10/blog-carnival-giveaway.html

http://rhbdesigns.blogspot.com/2008/10/time-for-another-giveaway.html

http://perfectnormal.blogspot.com/2008/10/amazon-giveaway.html

we made a plan that was subject to change; so whatever way it works out we both get the blame

2008-05-16T21:00:00.002-06:00

I still have that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm still waiting on the other shoe to drop. I don't know what I'd do if it was more than just a figment of my imagination. And I mean that literally. I could do anything... and none of it would be good. I know what you said. I also believe you. You've never lied to me before. Why start now? Something just doesn't sit right with me. I think its him. I think its because he denies his truth that I wonder and worry about what could/can/will happen given the right set of circumstances. It also hurts that I was never even a blip on the radar for this one. You never even asked me. And you can't claim that its because I don't know them because neither does he. I realize he's your friend, & he doesn't live here anymore (for now, maybe even forever), & you miss him. I realize my companionship, our relationship isn't the only thing on your plate. I just don't know if I could recover again. And yes by again I both mean from you & from that situation. Like the song says, you're "the only one that's got enough of me to break my heart," whether you know it or not. I think you do. I just think you choose to ignore/deny it because you think things will be easier... less... complicated this way. News flash: you're wrong. But I love you anyway cause I'm a moron. Maybe I'm even a bit of a masochist. I'm starting to think that might be the case.

Just something I'm playing with...

2008-05-06T08:47:00.002-06:00

just wants to hear your voice
singing softly in the rain
calling out her name
promise that things will never...
and always...
be the same

Ask & ye shall recieve

2008-04-27T23:01:00.001-06:00

holy crap... apparently sometimes you can get what you want. although it probably makes it easier when its little things....

I'm lame

2008-04-25T09:46:00.002-06:00

A caveat: this probably won't make sense to anyone who has access to this...but that's ok

I cut my hair. I love it. Its exactly what I wanted & the 1st new hairstyle I've had in almost 5 years. Excitement. Temporarily. I went to show him. The one I'm retarded for. He liked it. Said it looked good. Made me look my age. Helped me not be confused for a jr high student anymore. I expected a bigger reaction. More shock. More surprise. Told him so. Said "of course" I was expecting more. I "know" he likes long hair. So I think. Great. Just great. I'm walking a thin enough tight rope with this kid as it is. We're dating but we're not "dating". Semantics. The lack thereof really. But so I'm thinking. Great. Just great. I've gone and made myself less attractive to him. Then I think. Shit! No! I love my hair. I don't get down on my cute new hair just because the one I'm retarded for prefers long hair. Now I'm mad at myself for even thinking this way. Of course that doesn't stop me from continuing to think that way. Now I'm in some weird funk. I still like my hair. But I also worry that I'm less appealing to him because of it. It's a double edged sword.
A little while later... I'm driving home from the hair showing. I'm absorbed in my thoughts. Always a scary place. Keep thinking. About the hair thing. Then just about the him thing in general. We're going out tomorrow. Tickets to a show & an invite to the cast party after. I'm gonna look sexy as hell & I know it. Sitting here now I have confidence. But I know the second I see him I won't be 100% at ease until he verbalizes his approval/positive opinion/attraction. I know he will. There's no question of that. I know what he likes. I like what he likes. So its easy for me to be what he likes. But I'm not comfortable in my skin until I hear it. And I hate that about myself. I have never known myself to be so hungry for verbal affirmations of what I already know. Never. Now I crave it. I am insatiable for it. We'll go to the show, then the party. Don't know what we'll do after. Something. I'll stay over with him. It's our routine. 1 night. Every weekend. Almost without fail. And just as every other night on every other weekend without fail the other routine will start. We'll crawl into bed. Make jokes recapping the day/night. Then I will kiss him. He likes to kiss. Says he's addicted to it. I even know he enjoys kissing me. I'm capable of making him produce those involuntary happy sounds with just a simple kiss. I know there's no complaints there. But I can't remember the last time he kissed me. I know it was before the "big break". Before her. I want to say it was the night of my birthday party but even there I'm not sure. Tomorrow I'm breaking the routine. In a sense anyway. After the crawling and laughing I will wait. I will see if he initiates. If not I will because I want it. It's another thing I crave. Its all the action I get. I'm ok with that. For now. But if I'm going to stay ok with that I want to get what I have come to expect to get. But this time if I am the initiate-er I will pause. I will pause and I will make a comment "for future reference". And I will tell him I want him to initiate sometimes. I just hope he listens. I also hope he doesn't see it as me trying to take more than he's willing to give. If he senses anything of the kind he'll cut and run. He's skittish that one. Which is completely ironic in some ways because even if he does. Cut and run that is. Even if he does the only thing that will change will be the kissing. We'll still do everything else. Including my staying over. Just not the kissing. I really don't want to lose the kissing. But. Feminism be damned. It makes me feel like less of a girl to always be the one who acts first. Plus it just rankles my submissive nature to have to be assertive. He talks so much about how dominant he can be. I've seen some of that side of him but that was a long time ago now. That's something I crave too. Submission. Again. Feminism be damned. I guess we'll see. I'll let you know how it goes.

screaming on the inside

2008-02-15T14:51:00.001-06:00

its days like to day I seriously wish I could quit my job. sadly, I know there isn't anywhere else anywhere that will pay me as much as I make now to do the same tasks :(

Hi, my name is Debbie Downer

2007-11-20T12:25:00.001-06:00

if I can do this anymore
pretend anymore
I want to be your friend I really do
but I hate her
hate her hate her hate her
I'm sick of her fucking tits
always hanging out
don't you get it
or have you just already fucked her and don't care
shes ugly and sluty and not good enough for you
seeing the pictures - hurts
reading the stupid fucking wall posts - hurts
seeing that you dedicated a song to her that has lyrics like "can't you see I'm falling in love with you" - fucking hurts like hell
I'm trying to move on I really am
doing my best to meet new people and maybe even find someone...else
I can't in all honesty say "someone better" there is no one better
I'm sorry but its just the sad but true state of things
you say you don't want to be half friends
prove it
but don't expect me to like her
oh I'll be nice
I'll stand by while my heart breaks a little more and a little more every day
I'll cry myself to sleep some nights wishing things were different
I can't stay away
I've proved that much
but I wish you knew the damage you do
the pain that I feel only can heal by living - so I have to go on living
and no it doesn't get easier you fucking moron
no I don't "get used to it"
its always fresh
every single miserable day she's in your life its fresh
so I pretend
I'm getting better and better at faking it
not sure how no one seems to have noticed that my smiles never reach my eyes anymore
at least not the ones around you
then there's her....the other her
my her
was never single for more than a week back in the day
and I hated her for it
envied her
but blonde and thin beats brunette and chubby every day
I should know
but here she comes back into my life and shes been single for eight months
a new record
and for once shes a real person
and a good friend
now she has a new crush and in less than 24 hours its being reciprocated
WHAT THE FUCK
how does she do this
my mom swears that some girls are "just like that"
doens't mean I'm any better or worse than them she says
I think she's wrong
yay for self-pity, self-doubt, self-loathing
the whole lot of em
I've got them in spades
they're old familiars
I'm so lonely
all the time
even when I'm with the people I really want to be with
even when I'm with the few people on this miserable planet that actually make me happy
I'm so tired of being the strong one
or the friend
or the funny one
or the sister
its all bullshit
all it means is that I may be cool but I'm untouchable
undesirable number uno

Julia Roberts ate my brain!

2007-10-01T09:29:00.001-06:00

Yet another very long absence has led me here. I was forced into the big come to Jesus talk with my best friend about my feelings for him. As expected it did not go well. Its been 2 days & we still haven't spoken again. We're taking a trip together this weekend (one thats been planned for quite a while) & hopefully this will all be resolved one way or another then. I am absolutely terrified that I'm going to lose my best friend. When we had our talk I had to keep stopping myself from blurting out movie lines & song lyrics. I can't help it. My brain, original as it may be, really enjoys using association. Since more & more of these pieces of pop culture epherma just keep multiplying like bunnies on crack...Here's just some of the culprits

If my heart could beat it would break my chest but I can see you're unimpressed

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

I love you. I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and... well, now I'm just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn't it?

Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.

It's as if I've taken love heroin, and now I can't ever have it again.

I'm gonna treat you so nice, you're never gonna let me go

This is it, I've found it, I'm in hell.

That kiss belongs in a box, so I can show my grandkids one day.

I love you. Not like they told you love is and I didn't know this either. But love don't make things nice, it ruins everything! It breaks your heart, it makes things a mess. We're not here to make things perfect. Snowflakes are perfect, stars are perfect. Not us!

Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hangin' curveball, high fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there oughtta be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve. And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

How about this way? I love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're lookin' at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely. And it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible!

It seems right now that all I've ever done in my life is making my way here to you

In the words of David Cassidy, while he was still with The Partridge Family, I believe.....I think I love you

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul and to me, this has always been enough.

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Lead me, save me from my solitude. Say you want me with you, here beside you. Anywhere you go, let me go, too. Love me, that's all I ask of you.

Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you add them all up, they meant that we were supposed to be together.....and I knew it.

I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met.

Every step I took since the moment I could walk was a step
toward finding you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place,
suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace,
suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste,
it all revolves around you.

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

We started over coffee, we started out as friends
It's funny how from simple things, the best things begin

Please forgive me
I can’t stop loving you
Don’t deny me
This pain I’m going through
Please forgive me
If I need you like I do
Please believe it every word I say is true
Please forgive me
I can’t stop loving you

Say my name
sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely
And then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
...
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

and it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,
I want what's yours and I want what's mine,
I want you,
but I'm not giving in this time.

I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

If I can reach the stars,
Pull one down for you,
Shine it on my heart
So you could see the truth:
That this love I have inside
Is everything it seems.
But for now I find
It's only in my dreams.
And I can change the world,
I will be the sunlight in your universe.
You would think my love was really something good,
Baby if I could change the world.

Unforgettable, that's what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more
Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay

Well I never had a place
that I could call my very own
but that's all right my love
cuz you're my home.

Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

When you're down and troubled
and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
and you know whereever I am
I'll come running,
oh yeah baby to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
all you have to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.
If the sky above you
should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind
should begin to blow
Keep your head together
and call my name out loud
and soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name
and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
all you got to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain't it good to know
that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.
You just call out my name
and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

ok ok I have to stop I'm bumming myself out even more...ugh....I just want to sleep until this is all over

Been gone for way too long

2007-05-03T08:45:00.000-06:00

Sorry I've been slacking on any kind of actual blog. School has been kicking my ass as I'm sure most of you can relate to. Luckily that's over now and I'm free until mid July. Thank God.

Up till now things have been pretty boing...hectic and insane but boring. My life has comprised almost entirely of finishing this semester. There have been some high points though.

A few weeks back we had some visitors from Ireland. Damn do I love those guys. The picture on the left: that's them...well...them & us. The guy in yellow is Eoghan (pronounced Owen) absolutly adorable but apparently he's kind of dirty *tres sad*, the blonde Colleen and the one in the purple Janine are soem amazing girls, and if and of you know me at all I don't generally get along very well with girls so if I like them they must be pretty fantastic. The two boys in the middle (in the gray and the navy) are 2 of my best friends in the whole world. Tim (left) is sweet and understanding and one of the funniest anal retentives ever. If we're still single at 40 we're getting married ;). Wes (right) is a complete & total dork/nerd/geek/etc and can usually be found making me feel like an idiot by trying to explain technical things to me in the simplest way he knows how & yet I still don't get it. Ignore the 3 in the back. I do know them but....they're not really worth mentioning....maybe that sounds mean but whatever.

Other than that things have been pretty routine: work, school, The Riche$, sleep, work school, weekend activities... repeat.

Although last weekend was pretty fun. Wes & I went down to Oxford for the Double Decker Festival. Granted we spent our time more in making fun of people. Especially the sorostitutes in their matching outfits and poofy bleached blonde hair, and the 45 year old women trying to dress like their 15 year old daughters *shudder*. Good times, good times. We left the fest, ran to my grandparents for a soda/water and a bathroom break and headed out HWY 30 to the Holly Springs National Forrest and Puscus Lake. (see picure on the right) Running around in flip-flops even though we brought sneakers, trying unsuccessfully to find a way down to the stream, watching Wes climb all over everything hoping he would fall in the lake...all in all a good day. And it only got better from there. We headed back in and met my parents back at my grandparents' house for dinner at Taylor Grocery (yum-o!). We knew it'd be a crazy long wait so we packed up some snacks & headed out. After sitting outside waiting to be seated & waiting on my grnadparents and aunt for two hours our name was finally called...before the rest of the family got there. We get to our table are there about 3 minutes max, had just made our drink orders when some woman comes up all bent out of shape telling us we're going to either have to leave or order for the rest of our party. After arguing with us for a few minutes the rest of our party finally does arive and come to find out the rude woman was the owner of the restaurant and a friend and neighbor of my grandparents. Of course then we had to spend the rest of the night listening to my grandfather go on & on about how none of this would have happend if we had used their/our last name (we used my first name since its shorter, easier to spell, and easier to distinguish when someones trying to shout it out over 40 talking people). At dinner Wes & I decided that we were going to stay the night & enjoy the hot tub before heading back in the morning. This necessitated a run to my favorite place in the whole 'verse Wally World!! *snark* I wish any one of you had been there to see the 2 of us running around that place trying to get swimsuits, toothbrushes/paste, deodorant, etc. I know it had to have been pretty comical. So we spent the rest of our evening lounging around with a few drinks. We eventually decided to head on in & play some old school Super Mario but to our dismay my SNES was no where to be found. Our first attempt at sleep led to a slightly tipsy me trying to institute a poking war ala Facebook that wasn't so happily received on Wes' part (sorry!) I finally gave up & went for a drink of water & by the time I cam back Wes was snorring like an old man. Oh well. The drive home next morning was uneventful. Wes had to pull a tick off himself right as we were leaving so we were both pretty grossed out about that & paranoid that it wasn't the only one (it was). & that was lat weekend

Now finals are done and summer is here. I've decided to work full time to try & save up some extra money. My little brother starts school in the fall & I think I'm finally starting to make head way in convincing him that his best chance for getting out of the house is to get a place with me. Hopefully this'll mean the big move for me over the summer. Wow I feel old. Its weird. I'm almost through with school, finally seriously looking for my own place...I feel like a grown-up...oh wait what is it Loerlai said, "you know what the one thing grown-ups don't call themselves is?...Grown-ups." OK so maybe I'm not quite there yet

Not too many plans for the summer besides work...This weekend is music fest. I'm for sure going with Wes & his friend David on Friday night...wow I just realized that that's tomorrow. Cool. I might go with my aunt, uncle, cousin, & dad on Sunday ( I know...we're a family that actually likes doing things together...freaky right?) The whole family has rented a house on Tybee Island (near Savannah, GA) for the last week & June. Wes is comming with us & Tim might, & my brother's bringing a couple of his friends too so it should be an amazing trip. I can promise there will be a multitude of pictures. Also, I'm really looking forward to all the awesome summer movies about to start comming out: Spiderman 3, PotC3, HP5, Transformers, 28 Weeks Later, FF2: Rise of the Silver Surfer, etc...And who could forget this summer's piece de resistance HP book 7. All of our questions will be answered. Those of us with theories ( RAB is Regulus Black, Filch is the one who's going to get to use magic late in life, RAB used Kreacher to help him get the locket, LV wasn't the only one at Godrick's Hollow that night) will either be confirmed or denied & we will either feel brilliant that we figured it out/saw it comming, or totally defeated because of our cluelessness...I can't wait! I'm sooooo reading HBP while I'm on the beach.

OK I know this has been just an obscenely long post & most people probably gave up a long time ago so for anyone who didn't & actually made it to the end, thanks. You just made me feel special!

♥

For Shey (copy & paste)

2007-04-03T11:45:00.000-06:00

FYI, you're a goddess.
I sit around my family's insurance business & answer phones all day to... also for idiots who can't quite comprehend a few simple facts.
1) Not only do I personally not care who you are, it really doesn’t matter & won’t make the slightest difference in how fast/slow you get through to whoever you’re trying to reach. Example:

me: Continental Southern
old man: what?
me: Continental Southern Insurance
old man: oh. Jim Fields, please.
me: I’m sorry but he’s on the other line would you like to
*interrupts*
old man: This is John Williams
me: yes sir, hello Mr Williams, as I was saying Jim’s on the other line would you like to hold for him
old man: yes I’ll hold. This is John Williams
me: one moment
*puts guy on hold*

2) I really, really don’t need to be entertained by you so please stop trying to be funny. Example:

me: Continental Southern
guy: lemmie talk at Jimmy-boy (notice* the worst ones always want to talk to my loser cousin)
me: he’s on the other line would you like to hold (again* notice* the loser is ALWAYS on the damn phone & no, he’s NEVER talking about work usually more along the lines of fishing or his daughters volleyball)
guy: *laughing* well is he always on the phone
me: *totally serious* it does seem that way
guy: *still laughing* well go tell him to hang up
me: now you know I can’t do that
guy: naw. I’m givin you permission. Just tell him to hang up because I want to talk to him
me: ha..ha…sir would you like to hold or not
guy: ok ok I’ll hold

3) If you have been put on hold, I will put you through as soon as I can. Hanging up & calling back five times will not speed up this process. In fact it will cause me to bump you down the list & bump up the people who have been waiting patiently.

4) If you ABSOLUTLY MUST insist on using speaker phone while dialing, either pick up as soon as I do, or just leave it on speaker. Here’s why:

me: Continental Southern
*strange background noises, some mumbling*
me: hello? Continental Southern
guy: J *garbled noise, loud click* please
me: I’m sorry?
guy: I said Fields. Jim Fields. Is he there? What are you deaf?
me: I’m sorry sir there was some interference on the line. Yes Jim is here I’ll put you right through (he’s miraculously not on the phone this time)
guy: *barely mutters* bout time
me: *slams down phone*

5) Please. I beg of you. When you call, have some vague notion of where you have called or what you want to say or who you’re calling. Example:

me: Continental Southern
guy: uhhh….*loooooooooooooooong pause* yeah……where did I call again
me: Continental Southern Insurance
guy: oh yeah! I need to talk to….um…uh….what’s his name?...the guy?
me: we have two guys sir. Are you wanting Charles or Jim?
guy: oh….uh…Charles (the really old ones always want my grandfather)
me: yes sir I’ll put you right through

6) When I answer the phone “Continental Southern” don’t ask me: is this the pilates center?, is this EFS?, is this Dr. So-n-so’s office?, or is this the apartment leasing office?. If we were any one of those things I would answer the phone by identifying our self as such.

**All of these specific examples happened yesterday, but they also happen EVERY day

we should also totally...

2007-04-03T11:07:00.000-06:00

go to Chicago & do it up Ferris Bueller style...

maybe we could leave out the eating pancreas part thoug...

eww.

Things that need to be done this summer....

2007-03-29T15:11:00.000-06:00

weekend road trips:
to vist Ann
to the water park in Little Rock
I'm open to more suggestions
take a shit ton of crzay/silly pictures
get a tan
read some awesome books
Harry Potter 7 midnight release
Harry Potter 5 midnight show
what am I forgetting?

Wilkommen!

2007-03-27T13:21:00.000-06:00

Aloha! Bienvenue! Benvenuto! Boa Vinda! Marhaban! Dobre dolshi! Vitejte! Tervetuloa! Kalos orisate! Cead mile failte romhat! Dobro pozhalovat! Fair faa ye! Welcome!

How's it going kiddies? What with all the drama that seems to be accompanying space/face right now I thought I'd hop on Shey's bandwagon & give this site a shot. I'm going to try to post on here as regularly as I have been on myspace. But at the very least the more...umm...contoversial posts will for sure be here...I'll try to remember to be good & put up a note or something about "check that place where I put that thing that time." Mostly because I know this will annoy the ever loving shit out of those people who feel the need for all the drama.
Postsecrets, quizzes, surveys & "fluffy" type blogs will stay on myspace cause well...I like them there...I don't know.
Anyway thats all for now. Bookmark this page or something because I'm only going to give you the link this once. After that its your job to follow the white rabbit. Wow...now I'm having fun thinking of "code" ways to tell ya'll to come here....yay entertainment!

Caio for now! Salaam! Bidai! Joi gin! Deew boz geno! Ahoj! Hej! Vaarwel! Hooroo! A bientot! Auf weidersehn! Andio sas! Slan go foill! A piu tardi! Dewa mata! Valete! Buh-bye!